GRIEVING CALENDAR
INTRODUCTION
This web site contains many items. There are references to other sites. There are names and phone
numbers of persons you may call to talk to about your grief or sorrow. There is also a calendar.
Our "calendar" does not start at any logical date. It begins in the middle of the month, the middle of
a week. The cause of our grief can strike us at any time. The calendar begins in the middle of the
pre-Christmas season. This is often a particularly difficult time for one who is grieving. However,
you can begin the calendar at any time.
THe calendar is divided into segments of time. Within each segment there is a short prayer,
thoughts for reflection, suggestions for actions, questions, suggestions for a "crazy day" and other
aids in dealing with our grief.
At the end of each time segment there is a longer deeper section dealing with the deeper problems
we encounter in our grief.
Some of these deeper problems are fear, boredom, discouragement,being good to yourself, just
"making it", uncertainty, forgiveness, peace, loneliness, memories.
Feel free to copy the material and use it. That is why it is put there.
DECEMBER 7 to DECEMBER 25
For many persons this is the hardest time of the year.
PRAYER
God, may I get through this time. May I turn my grief and sorrow into some form of giving.
The theme for this pre-Christmas time is expressed in this prayer.
REFLECTION
These reflections begin on the anniversary of "Pearl Harbor". Have you lost someone in a war? Do
you know someone who has? What are you doing to make peace with someone at whom you are
angry?
These days can be days of great loneliness. Remember you are not the only person who is lonely.
You are not the only person who has lost someone.
Try to remember especially the elderly, those in nursing homes during these days of preparation.
How can you reach out to someone elderly or in a home?
ACTION
Call or write someone who like yourself might be lonely.
On your Christmas tree place pictures and other memorabilia of someone you love who has died.
Cook a meal for one who has died. Invite his/her friends. Spend some time remembering the person
who died.
Buy a Christmas person for one for whom you grieve. Give it is his/her name to someone who is
needy or grieving.
Don't forget to have a "crazy day". Do something light-hearted and foolish and laugh at yourself.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Our grief does not have to be something negative. It can become a source of great growth for us. It
can make us more aware of how fragile our life is. It can help us realize that our years on this earth
are really very short. It can help us recognize that the relationships we develop with others do not
end with the death of one of us.
Begin keeping a diary or some sort of catalog of the positive things that are happening to you as a
result of this grieving experience: the persons who are reaching out to you, the persons you are
now reaching out to, the ways you have experienced the presence of the one who died, qualities
about that person that you are only now beginning to appreciate.
You may have you own ideas to add to this "diary"
DECEMBER 26-JANUARY 13
Depending on how we view the days before Christmas, these days can be a time of great relief or
they can be days of letdown. However, life will still go on regardless of how we might feel in the
days after Christmas.
Also, we are coming into the coldest part of the year. Whether we live in the "sunny south" or the
frigid north, the hours of daylight are fewer and the nights are long. Even in the south there are
many cold and rainy days. It is important that we not allow ourselves to become trapped inside the
house.
PRAYER
Lord, you and I made it through Christmas. I could not have done it without you and my friends.
Thank you all!
REFLECTION
Christmas is alway tough when we are grieving. You made it through Christmas. Be grateful. Reward
yourself in some way.
It is important that we reach out especially during these days of long nights, rain/snow, cold
temperatures.
THOUGHTS FOR A NEW YEAR
You might want to use these thoughts and questions as part of your "diary"
I need to resolve my own grief this year. Who are the persons or what the losses for which I am still
grieving?
Whom do I need to forgive?
What experiences are still difficult for me because of my losses?
What could I do to ease the pain?
Whom can I call for help in easing the pain?
Is there anyone I can reach out to who is also grieving?
On the basis of these answers, list 2 or 3 things you can do during this coming year.
ACTION
Give some time to the New Year's questions.
List some special days you will remember those for whom you grieve. List things you will do to
remember that person (those persons).
On those cold and lonely days write down some of your thoughts and how you can overcome some
of the more negative thoughts.
Invite 2 or 3 other persons you know are grieving over to supper. Talk about your grief. You may
want to continue meeting. You may even want to expand the group.
As you meet you might want to reflect that this is how the Christian Church began. After Jesus died
they were grieving. They met together out of fear and for mutual support. As they met they began to
experience the living presence of Jesus and actually witnessed his presence.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
These are difficult days. There is the letdown after the holidays. There are the long nights and cold
days. Winter affects our spirits as much as it affects our bodies. If we are not careful we can become
trapped by several cold and rainy or snowy days.
Remember that difficult times are also times of a potential for great growth. We can sit around and
feel sorry for ourselves or we can use the energy we have to reach out. Think of a hurricane.
Before it becomes a hurricane it is called a "tropical depression".
Depression is the same word we use to describe our state of mind and soul when we are sad and/or
experiencing a loss. Both the condition of the atmosphere during a tropical depression and our
state when we depressed are conditions of emptiness and void.
Both create a power, a force, an energy. How can you began to see your depression as a positive
force and energy in your life? How can you use it to develop your spiritual life?
This might be a good time to seek out a spiritual director who can help you turn these difficult times
into times of great growth.
Just as that atmospheric void creates tremendous energy, our depression creates great energy.
That is one reason we always seem tired during such periods. Our body and spirit are producing
great energy. If we do not use that energy in some way, it will wear us out.
JANUARY 14 TO FEBRUARY 1
Before the year gets too far along, look at your resolutions. How are you coming with them?
Are you being faithful to your "crazy days"?
How are you handling fear?
How are you handling loneliness?
PRAYER
HANG IN THERE, LORD, I'M COMING!
REFLECTION
That prayer can put to rest several misconceptions about prayer. The first is that prayers must be
lengthy and use very sophisticated and stilted language. Another is that prayer cannot be
humorous. Another is that we can only pray for ourselves and other humans. We ought never pray
for God.
This prayer prays for God that God will "hang in there." We are praying that God will have patience
with us, that God will not abandon us when we do not recover quickly from our grief.
In one sense our saying the prayer is its own answer. Once we recognize that God will be patient
with us, we have made great strides in our spiritual growth. If God will "hang in there" until we are
ready we need to be a bit more patient with ourselves and with others.
Fear is often irrational. List some of the things you have feared in the past. How did you overcome
that fear? How many times were you afraid only to learn that there was no reason for the fear? What
has been the worst thing that has ever happened to you? How have you been hurt by that
experience? Has any good come of that experience?
In the more southern regions spring will soon be here. Spring will bring new life. What was dead
has now come back to life. What seems to be dead in my life? How can I rstore it to life? How can I
help someone else become alive again?
ACTION
Answer the questions in the "REFLECTION" section.
Get ready for spring. Try to plant at least one thing and watch it grow.
Take advantage of the first warm days. If possible take a walk, take a drive in the country, sit for a
while by a river or stream, watch the new cycle of life Mother Nature provides each year at this time.
When the first wild flowers bloom, pick a bunch and take to someone grieving, elderly, or confined
to the home.
Write down your thoughts about spring in your diary.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
We are in the middle of winter. This can be for us a time of great growth. We have to struggle with
weather. We have to fight short periods of daylight and long nights. These struggles can affect our
spirits as much as our bodies.
When it is cold and rainy or snowy we can feel trapped. Feel like we don't want to go anywhere, do
anything. We can, if not careful, begin to feel trapped.
We can easily allow several days to go by and do nothing. These long evenings are a good time to
spend a little extra time on our diary, catch up up on our reading, call someone who also may be
grieving.
J
UNE 1 TO 19
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Hang in there" is a statement about our lives. It describes the many no-win
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P
RAYER
L
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,
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metimes I feel lost, at times I feel confused. Sometimes I want to quit.
Other times I am just plain angry, I guess you understand.
REFLECTION
A
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we honest in our prayer? Are we really willing to tell God how we really
f
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?
Or do we tell God what we think God would like to hear?
God knows what we really think. We are not deceiving God. We are only
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.
When we pray we pray not to inform an uninformed
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.
We pray to change our own minds and hearts.
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mits that we are not really sure about God's
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meaning and purpose of prayer,
A
CTION
Use your diary to describe persons, events, situations in your life in which
y
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mply "hang in there".
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mething of which you should let go?
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meone or something you can use as a safety net?
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Day (if your Father is dead)
Buy your father a present. Give it in his name to a father in the nursing home
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who who has no family left.
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m the nursing home. Invite him for dinner.
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meal. Remember him
Don't forget the standard questions:
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What experiences are still hard for me?
Have I reached out to anyone lately?
A
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ways I am saying "no" to life?
S
P
I
RITUAL GROWTH
Our spiritual journey is not a one dimensional trip. There are many ups and
d
o
wns. We slip backward at time. There are times when we become stagnant
a
n
d
d
o
n
't
move either forward or backward.
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metimes we can gauge our progress by looking at the situations we still
fi
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with.
We are about half way through the year. This would be a good time to make
s
o
me time for a small retreat. Reflect on the following:
What are the experiences (or persons) I still find it difficult to remember?
Why?
What things do I still find it difficult to do? Why?
Do these persons or experience remind me of any failure on my part?
A
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mley1936@yahoo.com
I
MMACULATE CONCEPTION CHURCH
3
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CHITIMACHA TRAIL
CHARENTON LOUISIANA 70523
USA
3
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mley1936@yahoo.com
FEBRUARY 2 TO MARDI GRAS
The hours of daylight are beginning to lengthen. We can see some hope of spring. "Spring
training" for baseball teams is only a few weeks away. Ash Wednesday and Lent are not too far. In
South Louisiana this is "carnival season", the days of Mardi Gras.
However, anger is never easy to deal with. It doesn't just go away by wishng it away. I have to send
it away. I can do this with the help of several techniques.
Write a nasty letter to the one at whom you are angry. Let it all hang out. Don't send the letter.
Look at it a few days later. Revise it. See if you are still that angry. Repeat this process as often as
necessary.
Take a dirty rug outside. Imagine it is the person at whom you are angry. Beat it until it is clean, If
you are still angry, beat it some more.
Write the person's name on an egg and smash it against a tree.
Repeat these processes as often as necessary for you to deal with anger so you can forgive.
Remember you are the person who needs you to forgive not the one at whom you are angry.
As Lent approaches we need to think about our own spiritual journey. Am I more patient with
myself and others? Have I reached out? What about that support group you wanted to form? What
about those New Year's resolutions?
PRAYERS
Lord, things are tough. But so am I. Help me.
Lord, I do want to do better. Help me be more patient with me.
REFLECTION
So often I look at the problems I face. They seem so overwhelming. I forget that I have a
tremendouse ability to withstand many difficulties. Not only is my life situation tough. I am tough.
I don't like to use that endurance and that strength. It is so much easier to sit back and not have to
exert that energy. I get so accustomed to doing so that when I am forced to use that strength I may
even get resentful.
Actually, I really do want to become stronger. I really do want to make the effort but I have become
lazy. Because I have avoided using that energy I forgot I even had such strength. Then I get upset
with myself for not being able to respond, not being able to move forward with my sorrow and
grief.
This time of grief has taught me one thing. I had been caught in a rut. Now I need to ask myself: Do
I want to get out of that rut? What do I have to do to get out of that rut? How did I get into that rut
in the first place? What changes do I need to make in my attitude? my pattern of behavior? my
thinking?
ACTION
Answer the "REFLECTION" questions in your diary.
Plant something in memory of someone for whom you gieve.
Plan how and when you will celebrate your next "crazy day". Laugh at yourself.
Call someone else who might be grieving.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
One of the hardest things for many of us to do is to forgive. Often we are angry because we see
someone do something we know we do and do not like about ourselves. Often we are really angry
at ourself.
Either others or we ourself expect of us what it is not reasonable for anyone to expect to us.
When we cannot meet these expectations we grow angry with ourself. The first chore is to
determine: At whom am I really angry? Me? or someone else?
But if someone else has hurt me, why should I forgive? Why should I allow someone else to get
away with hurting me? Try to remember that I am the one who is hurt when I do not forgive NOT
THE ONE AT WHOM I AM ANGRY. I am the one who is angry, resentful, whose life is disrupted,
disturbed. I am the one with the upset stomach, headache, sleeplessness. inertia, or other
symptoms that comes with not forgiving.
TO CONTINUE
To contact us bcrumley1936@yahoo.com
IMMACULATE CONCEPTION CHURCH
3041 CHITIMACHA TRAIL CHARENTON LOUISIANA 70523 USA
337-923-4281 bcrumley1936@yahoo.com
LENT
Lent is a very special time. It is a time when we remember Jesus' death but also that He continues
to live among us. In a similar way those for whose death we grieve also continue to live among us.
PRAYER
St. Joseph, you never seemed to know what was happening. You certainly were not in charge. Still
you never gave up or quit. Show me how.
REFLECTION
Lent means "spring". It is the time for a renewal of life in the the church. In springtime what seems
to be dead is now alive once again.
Lent is a time for us to get out of those ruts we have allowed ourselves to get into. IT IS A TIME TO
ASK
What is the rut in which I am caught?
Do I want to get out?
How did I get caught in my rut in the first place?
What changes do I need to make in my own attitude?
In my pattern of behavior?
In my thinking?
Lent is a good time to reflect on those questions.
ACTION
Set goals for Lent. Review them each week or so.
Read over one or more of the passion accounts in the four gospels. Try to reflect on how each
person felt, how each friend of Jesus might have grieved for Jesus in his suffering and death.
Try to visit someone who is ill, sad, or grieving.
Make a list of persons you know who are grieving. Try to spend some time each day praying for or
thinking about a different person on that list.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
It is not enough to "get rid of" our anger. That only creates a void. That void will later create other
problems. We only stay angry at someone we truly care about, someone who is important in our
lives.
As spring comes we start to think about planting. This can be a creative way of dealing with our
anger. Plant a few plants and name them after someone at whom you are angry (including
yourself). Nourish the plants and watch them grow. Don't forget to call them by name once in a
while.
Do I want to continue living in such a disrupted and disturbed way? I MAKE THE CHOICE! Only I
decide if I will be angry or not.
MAY 8 TO 31
There is a common saying here in South Louisiana. "Let the good times roll!" How can we have "good
times" when we feel miserable?
We don't just happen to feel miserable or sad. We choose to be so. We have very limited control over
what happens to us. We have a lot of control over how we react to what happens to us.
PRAYER
God, help me to take a few seconds today to enjoy some of the good things you offer.
REFLECTION
The prayer sounds so simple and so basic. But like many things which are simple it is not easy. How can I
take the time to enjoy the good things which God offers unless I recognize the good things?
In ordinary times it is often difficult to recognize good things which happen to us. When I am grieving and
sad it is even more difficult. Some of the very best things God offers us do not appear to us to be good.
How then can we see the good in the things for which we grieve?
Then we live at such a fast pace that many good things pass us by before we are even aware that they
have happened. So for our prayer to be answered great effort is required on our part.
This is the time of Mother's Day.
ACTION
If your mother is dead:
Buy your mother a present and give it to a single mother, a poor mother or any mother who might not get
any gifts.
"Adopt" a mother from the local nursing home who might have no one to visit her or take her out on
Mother's Day.
As a way of remembering your mother set her a place each time you sit down to eat during the week or
month of Mother's Day. Prepare some of her favorite foods.
In your diary:
List some of the special "Mother's Day" you remember from the past.
Write one or two good things that have happened to you in the last month.
Don't forget the basic questions
Is there anyone I need to forgive?
What experiences are still hard for me?
Have I reached out to anyone lately?
Are there still ways I am saying "no" to life?
Enjoy the remaining days of spring. It will be hot soon.
Call a friend who may be lonely.
Make some time for yourself. Do something you enjoy.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
We think loneliness comes from absence of friends and companions. We can have everything we want
and desire and still be lonely. Loneliness comes from a sense of incompleteness. WE want something
more in our lives. Our lives are not completely fulfilled. We will never stop being lonely as long as we are
incomplete. Even when we have what we long for, what we dream about we remain lonely.
Think of this, Our dreams and desires are symbolic. We often take them literally. So our dreams are never
fulfilled. We remain lonely.
Those for whom we grieve are real. they are also related to us symbolically. Use your dairy to answer the
following questions:
What do(es) the person(s) for whom I grieve represent to me?
Why was each person important to me?
Do I still have what made that person important to me?
JUNE 1 TO 19
I think "hang in there" is a great image. It is hard to hang from a tree limb or anywhere else
for a long period of time. Our arms grow weary. We are afraid we will fall and die in the
process but it is extremely painful to continue hanging. Often no one is around to watch us
hang, go get a ladder or safety net. So, we continue to hang.
"Hang in there" is a statement about our lives. It describes the many no-win situations in
which we find ourselves.
PRAYER
Lord, sometimes I feel lost, at times I feel confused. Sometimes I want to quit. Other times I
am just plain angry, I guess you understand.
REFLECTION
Are we honest in our prayer? Are we really willing to tell God how we really feel? Or do we
tell God what we think God would like to hear?
God knows what we really think. We are not deceiving God. We are only deceiving
ourselves. When we pray we pray not to inform an uninformed God. We do not pray to
change God's mind or to help an indecisive God decide. We pray to change our own minds
and hearts.
The above prayer also admits that we are not really sure about God's reaction. "I guess you
understand" is a statement of uncertainty not one of absolute certainty.
The value of the prayer is its simplicity, its honesty, and that it frees us to be honest about
ourselves. We don't have to pretend. For a deeper reflection on the meaning and purpose of
prayer,
ACTION
Use your diary to describe persons, events, situations in your life in which you simply "hang
in there".
Is this something of which you should let go?
Is it worth the hanging?
If so, is there someone or something you can use as a safety net?
Suggestions for Fathers' Day (if your Father is dead)
Buy your father a present. Give it in his name to a father in the nursing home or one who who
has no family left.
"Adopt" a father from the nursing home. Invite him for dinner.
Set a place for your father at the meal. Remember him
Don't forget the standard questions:
Is there anyone I need to forgive?
What experiences are still hard for me?
Have I reached out to anyone lately?
Are there still ways I am saying "no" to life?
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Our spiritual journey is not a one dimensional trip. There are many ups and downs. We slip
backward at time. There are times when we become stagnant and don't move either forward
or backward.
Sometimes we can gauge our progress by looking at the situations we still find it difficult to
cope with.
We are about half way through the year. This would be a good time to make some time for a
small retreat. Reflect on the following:
What are the experiences (or persons) I still find it difficult to remember? Why?
What things do I still find it difficult to do? Why?
Do these persons or experience remind me of any failure on my part? Anything I need to
change?
LATTER PART OF LENT
In the latter part of Lent the emphasis is new life. Grieiving creates a new life for us. That which
causes us to grieve has permanently changed our lives. They will never be the same.
Whether that change is for the good or for the bad will depend on us. Our response to God will
determine whether that change will be good or bad or perhaps indifferent or insignificant.
PRAYER
Mary, you said "yes" and you didn't know what would happen. Help me to say "yes" to my life.
REFLECTION
When we grieve we think we are not supposed to enjoy life. If we have any fun we think we have
done something wrong. That is not true.
At any time of our life, whether we are grieving or not grieving, we have two choices. We can say
"yes" to our live or we can say "no" to our life. The "yes" or the "no" is the response we give to
our life. We give it to our life as it is, not as we would like it to be.
When we say "yes" to our life we enjoy it, we appreciate it. We can even begin to see good
things that have come into our life BECAUSE of our suffering: persons to whom we have become
closer, freedom from some burdens only we have placed on ourselves, a greater appreciation
for our family and the really important things of life.
The second choice is to say "no" to our life. We refuse to deal with our life as it is. We want to
live our life as it was or as we would like it to be. When we say "no" to our life we want to go back
to some life that is no longer real. WE miss what is happening n our life this day. We prevent
ourself from going on with life.
Questions for diary
Is there anyone I still need to forgive?
What experiences are still hard for me?
Have I reached out to anyone lately?
Do I still try to have my "crazy day"?
In what ways am I saying "yes" to my life?
In what ways am I still saying "no" to my life?
Am I making any progress?
ACTION
In your diary write the answers to the reflection questions.
Invite someone who has no family to join you for Easter.
Reach out to someone in a nursing home this Easter.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
In the Catholic Church we have a tradition called "purgatory" It is commonly viewed as a
punishment for sins for which we have not properly atoned on this earth. If that is the case I do
not think there are many in purgatory. Almost everyone I know who has died has done so in
peace and without fear of having to undergo any more suffering.
I have found numerous persons who have a difficult time letting someone go, letting them
inherit the kingdom Jesus promised to us all. Maybe a person's"purgatory" is the suffering
caused by seeing someone (s)he cares about going through life miserable, not enjoying this day,
this moment.
Maybe instead of praying for a "poor soul" in purgatory we need to pray for ourselves that we
say "yes" to our own life, our life without this person. Our life that is so different from the life we
would want. I believe our saying "yes" to life without this person would release that person from
this earth or from "purgatory" far more quickly than any prayer we might utter for that person
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