PARENTS MANUAL
This parent's manual is designed to help parents in the religious education of their children.
Many parents are afraid to teach their own children. You teach them whether you want to or not. You teach
them especially by your own attitude, what you say, what you do, who you are. If you are not even sure who
are, you teach that also. It is not a question of whether or not you teach your own child(ren). The question is
what are you going to teach them? What is it you want to teach them? That is the first step: decide what you
want to teach your child(ren).
Let me suggest a few things you might want to teach.
Each child is important.
Each child is special.
There is a God.
God made each of us.
Each of us is loved by God.
God wants us to love each other.
Even when we sin God continues to love us.
God wants us to pray and stay in touch.
God wants us to take care of each other.
God is present to us all of the time.
If you can teach these 10 truths to your children, you will have done a work that will endure for a long time.
EACH CHILD IS IMPORTANT
We teach this truth by spending time with the child. It doesn't have to be a lot of time. It does need to be
quality time. My father died when I was 15 years old. He didn't spend a lot of time with me. However, there
were 7 or 8 instances where in just a few minutes he taught me lessons I still appreciate and from which I am
still learning.
One of the most important lessons was taught in a period less than five minutes. In that short time my father
told me he was going to die, it was ok to die, and I needed to face his death and not run away from it.
We can not simply tell a child (s)he is important. We need to show the child. We need to take time with each
child. It does not have to be lots of time. It does need to be quality time. It needs to be time structured to the
individual needs of each child.
EACH CHILD IS SPECIAL
Each person has individual needs. One may need a little more stroking, another may need more discipline a
third may need more challenge, a fourth may need a little more sense of direction. We cannot meet all of the
individual needs of every child. The children do need to be challenged to meet their own needs and to help
meet the needs of their brothers and sisters. One of the best and most important ways we teach a child (s)he
is important is the way we help them deal with crises.
THERE IS A GOD
This is the most basic lesson we teach a child. Talk to the child(ren) about God, listen to their questions, take
the time to answer them. If you don't know the answer, tell them so. Call Father or someone who might know.
Take (make) the time to read the Bible together with all the children. Have them act out some of the stories.
Make time to pray together as a family. The family meal is a good time to do a short prayer, read a small
section from the Bible. Above all else, go to church with your children. They will learn most from what you
do. If you rarely go to church, almost never open the Bible and read to them or have them read to you then
you are teaching them that going to church and reading the Bible are not important. You will teach that to you
child(ren) whether you intend to or not.
GOD MADE EACH OF US
Don't be afraid to talk to your child(ren) about how they were born. Talk to them about your role as a mother
or a father. Tell them also that you alone can't account for their birth. Tell them about the role of God.
Whether you want to or not, this is the area where you the parents (especially the father) teach your child. A
child is told from a young age that "God is our father." In prayer, we say:"Our Father who art in heaven."
From a very young age a child learns to address God as "Father." So, much of a child's concept of God will
come from the child's concept of his/her father. This is especially true in the next truth we hope to teach.
EACH OF US IS LOVED BY GOD
How can we expect a child to know God's love if the child never experiences the love of a father or mother?
If the child is punished for every little misdeed, the child will envision a God who punishes every little sin. If a
child is only recognized when (s)he does something wrong, the child will believe in a God who only notices
us if we sin. Before a child ever comes to any type of formal religious instruction, the child has already been
exposed to six years of religious instruction by parents. We can teach about God. The concept of who God is
will already be firmly implanted in their minds before they ever come to us in catechism. A great deal of the
child's concept of who God is will come from the child's relationship to you. A child's concept of God's love
will depend on the type of love you show to your child(ren).
GOD WANTS US TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER
We can tell a child this truth. Only you can teach a child this truth. Before a child ever comes to formal
religious instruction the child will have learned about love for each other. What kind of love does a child
experience at home? Is it a forgiving love? Is it a giving kind of love? Or is it a grudging kind of love? Only
you can decide that and teach that. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is very clear on the demand for us to love one
another. We can teach that. How the child interprets the meaning and application of the truth will depend
largely on you.
EVEN WHEN WE SIN, GOD CONTINUES TO LOVE US.
How do you deal with a child's sin? Do you make a big deal out of it? Ignore it? What type of punishment do
give out when a child sins? It is not our purpose to advocate one form of discipline over another. You know
best what works for you. We simply want to point out that your form of punishment and your attitude toward
forgiveness will be a very major education of your child(ren).
GOD WANTS US TO PRAY AND STAY IN TOUCH
We don't have to be an expert on the Bible or read a lot of the Bible to know this truth. We can reinforce this truth but you will
be the ones who actually teach it or fail to teach it. A child's sense of staying in touch with God will come from you. What do
you do? Do you stay in touch with God? Do(es) your child(ren) see you pray? Do you pray with them? Do you go to church
with your children? Long before catechism you have taught your children about the importance or the lack of importance of
staying in touch with God.
GOD WANTS US TO TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER.
We can also reinforce this truth. Only you can teach this to your child(ren). By now it should be clear we are
not trying to create an intellectual environment in which our young people "learn" certain religious We are
attempting to create a living environment in which our young people experience and imbibe these truths. We
cannot create such an environment in a series of forty five minute sessions once a week. The truths we hope
to teach can only be imbibed in an environment in which the youngsters spend some time.
GOD IS PRESENT TO US ALL OF THE TIME
This is the most important of the truths. It is most important because it will endure. God will be present to us
and to the children even after we die.
How we appreciate that presence after death will depend largely on how we appreciate that presence now. If
you are able to do nothing else as parents, please help your child(ren) experience the presence of God in
their lives our home during these very formative years.
TEACHING THROUGH SITUATIONS OF LIFE
We also teach through the situations encountered by a family and by the child(ren) in the normal living out of
life. I go back to an earlier question.
What is it that you want to teach?
CHILD'S FIRST EXPERIENCE OF SIN
We are talking about serious sin, not necessarily mortal sin but something of a serious nature. If we pick on
every little imperfection of a child we teach the child a lesson on sin. If we get on them for everything we do
not like, we teach a lesson about the response of God to our sin. What happens the first time a child commits
a more serious sin? The following reflection may be helpful to you when a child sins.
Remember, first of all, that this is not the first time someone has sinned. Nor will it be the last. It is just one of
those numerous sins we all commit. Nor will it be an original sin. It will have been done by millions of other
children throughout the ages.
The first question to ask is: "Have I done this? (or something like it?) Do I still feel guilty for what I did or did
not do? If the answer is "yes" then before trying to deal with your child's sin make sure you have dealt with
own guilt first. If you do not, then the child's sin will be compounded by your own guilt. In that case the child
may not understand the strength of your reaction to a situation the child does not think is that serious.
Once you have your own guilt out of the way, then talk to the child. Get the child's version of what did or did
not happen. There is no formula for dealing with the fallout from a child's sin. It is important simply that we do
not create adult fallout from a child's actions.
This would be a good opportunity to teach a few religious truths about forgiveness, responsibility for our
actions and the overwhelming forgiveness of God. This might be a good opportunity to read the story of
Adam and Eve and the first sin.
SOME POINTS YOU MIGHT LIKE TO MAKE:
Adam and Eve were created in the likeness of God.
God breathed his own breath into them.
They forget who they were.
Forgot that God made them in his own likeness
Basically that is what sin is
Forgetting who we are
Forgetting who God is
As a result they hid and they covered themselves up.
One of the effects of sin is guilt.
So we try to deny our sin and try to cover up.
Ask the child: "What do you think would have happened if Adam and Eve had gone to God and said "We are
sorry. We ask your forgiveness."? How would God have reacted? The worst sin was their denial and the
attempt to cover up.
Then ask the child how (s)he can overcome the fallout of sin that Adam and Eve suffered. What does (s)he
have to do to avoid the fate of Adam and Eve? These are questions we can ask ourselves when we sin. They
are questions the child(ren) can use throughout their entire life.
WHEN SOMEONE SINS AGAINST THE CHILD
It is as important to deal with this sin as it is to deal with our own sin. The message of Jesus is that we should
forgive. That is a very difficult concept to teach a child. One thing I have found successful is to talk about the
child's own feelings. How do you feel when you are mean to someone? When you hurt someone? I talk about
forgiveness in the context of how the child feels when (s)he forgives someone and they are reconciled.
Invariably , the children feel badly when they are mean to someone even when that person has hurt them. In
the same way they feel good when they are forgiven or when they forgive someone else.
AN EXPERIENCE WITH DEATH
It can be the death of an animal, a friend, a parent, or grandparent. Every child will experience death. It is
important that adults help the child to deal with this sense of loss. One common way of dealing with death is
to tell the child "It's God's will." That may be a convenient way of dealing with a child's grief. But in a child's
mind it may raise many questions that remain unanswered and may later lead to larger problems. It may lead
a child to be angry at that "mean old God" who took away my mother or father or friend.
Don't be afraid to tell the child that you also are grieving, that you do not know why this person died in this
way. One of the important things is to listen to the child's response and try to understand what the child is
experiencing.
You don't have to give the child answers. It is more important that the child knows you understand and you
care. If you experience the same grief, the same doubts, the same fears tell the child that you do. Rather than
telling the child "It's God's will." talk to the child about praying to God and asking that both of you might
understand a little better what God wants of you both at this time. Invoking God in this way has certain
advantages.
It does not place any blame on God.
It places both of you in a mode of asking God's help.
It can help the child realize that it is important to turn to God.
It can help create a deeper bond between you and the child.
It is important to talk to the child about what death is. There are many experiences of death you can talk
about. Each year the trees seem to die but come back to life in the spring. You can talk about a human birth. It
is a form of death. When we leave our mother's womb we do not know what is outside that womb. For the
early Christians the butterfly was used as symbol of the resurrection. You can talk about the caterpillar, the
cocoon, and the butterfly. Another good image is the egg. The chicken leaves one world and enters another
when it pecks its way out of the egg. This is an image of death. We leave one world and enter another. This
would be a good time to read the gospel accounts of the resurrection of Jesus and tell of Jesus' promise.
PART 3 TEACHING THROUGH THE SEASONS OF THE YEAR
HALLOWEEN
Some Christians regard halloween as a "pagan" event. It was originally called "All Hallows Eve" or the eve of
All Saints Day. Most of the halloween customs came from the celebration of All Saints Day. It is a good time
to talk to the children about some of the saints. For their halloween costumes have them dress up as one of
the saints. It is also a good time to bring them to the cemetery to visit some of their family members who
have died. Explain that these are some of the saints we honor.
THANKSGIVING
Take some time to talk with the children about the reasons they should be thankful. What are some of the
ways they express that thanks? Take some time during the thanksgiving break from school to reach out to
someone who may not be quite as fortunate as you. (e.g. bring a food basket to a family who could use it,
visit some of the persons in a nursing home who have no one to bring them home on Thanksgiving day, or
visit a person or family who may be grieving for someone they lost recently). Come as a family to the mass
for Thanksgiving.
ADVENT
Two of the most common advent customs are the advent wreath and the Jesse tree. Both show the
progression of Advent. The lighting of an additional candle each week helps us experience the anticipation of
the coming of Jesus. The Jesse tree can add a new symbol every day and tell some of the Old Testament
history that preceded the coming of Jesus. Both the Advent wreath and the Jesse tree can be purchased
from most religious goods or arts and crafts stores. If you or your child(ren) are more creative, you can make
your own wreath or Jesse tree. Even if you purchase a Jesse Tree you can add your own figures and
symbols to the tree.
This is a very beautiful season in the church's liturgy. The Sunday readings are especially rich. Make a
special effort to get to mass as a family and make an effort to talk about the meaning of the readings.
Some time during Advent have a birthday party for Jesus. Bring gifts to Jesus.
CHRISTMAS
Most libraries have books that describe family events used in different cultures to celebrate Christmas. Just reading over
these celebrations will be an education for the children and perhaps for you. As a result of the reading you may decide to try
one or more of the events.
There is an intersting practise in Guam. Children are limited to three gifts. They are expected to give one of the gifts away to
someone in need of affection or attention.
In addition to the usual lights and decorations on your Christmas tree add pictures and symbols of the way Jesus has come
into your lives in the past year. Also add symbols and pictures of the times you and the children have brought Jesus to others
during the past year.
Try to reach out in some way as a family during the days of Christmas. Bring a needy family a basket or visit a person or family
who is lonely or grieving.
Take some time to read the gospel stories of Jesus' birth and talk about what they mean. Ask the youngsters: If Jesus were to
come today in whose home would he choose to be born? Whom would he choose to take care of him? and why? Make sure
you get to church as a family.
SOME KIDS' QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
How did God create the universe?
How did God create us?
When will God say "enough"? (end this world)
Does God die?
Is God male or female?
What happens when we die?
Rather than always attempting to give the youngsters the "right" answer, see what kind of answers they might give. You
might learn something from their answers. Teaching is a two way street. The teacher will also learn from the students.
The following "Letter from God" was written by one of our youngsters in June, 1999 at a week long workshop. It is a
marvelous answer to some of the basic questions raised by the youngsters.
Dear Children,
Why do you question if I am real? Look deep into your hearts and you will find that I always was and
always will be God. I will not put an end to your world. You as a world must choose your own destiny.
I can be boy or girl, any nationality, and appear in any form. I never die. I am immortal. I am always
good, but do make mistakes.
I thought about the universe and that is how it manifested itself. That is also how I created earth.
After all was created, I blew life into the universe.
There is more than one God but they are not the right ones to worship. They will only lead you to
evil places.
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IMMACULATE CONCEPTION CHURCH
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