WEDDING GOSPEL AND HOMILY DECEMBER 30, 2000
GOSPEL: Matthew 5:1-9
Jesus saw the crowds and went up a hill, where he sat down. His disciples gathered around him and he began to
teach them:
Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor, the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!
Happy are those who mourn; God will comfort them!
Happy are the meek; they will receive what God has promised!
Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires; God will satisfy them fully!
Happy are those who are merciful to others; God will be merciful to them!
Happy are the pure in heart; they will see God!
Happy are those who work for peace among men; God will call them his sons!
Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires; the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!
Gospel taken from GOOD NEWS FOR MODERN MAN
I am impressed with Laurie and Steve. I've been a priest over 36 years. This is the first time I have met a couple who
were willing to spend so much time on the religious part of their wedding. Lots of energy goes into the reception,
the rehearsal dinner and often so little time into the ceremony itself. But without the ceremony, none of the other
parts make any sense.
They are also one of the most serious couples I have met. Last night at the supper I saw Steve coming out of the
kitchen area, looking over the whole room. It took me a second or two to recognize him. My first thought was that
he was the head waiter checking on how things were going.
Christmas night I stopped by to visit with the family. Laurie was busy wrapping gifts - 180 of them. There was one gift
for each guest at the wedding. That is the first time I have ever seen a couple give gifts to their guests. They
usually expect to receive gifts but this is the first time I've ever seen a couple give gifts.
And it wasn't just an ordinary gift, one you go and buy in the store. It was a personal gift, a bit of them. The wrapped
box contained pralines made by Laurie's mother and a typed recipe for making the pralines since many of the
guests were not from Louisiana and might not be familiar with this Louisiana delicacy.
I was very impressed with their response to the pre-nuptial questionnaire and the depth with which they answered
them. I was very impressed with the list of ideas they sent me. They wanted these ideas incorporated into the
readings and the homily. It was the first time a couple has ever asked me to talk about the idea of marriage as a
sacrament.
A sacrament is a sign. It is something that brings back memories. Or it can be a hope, a dream, a prayer, anything
that we would like to be and know we can only be with the help of someone else. A sacrament can also be a fear, a
doubt, a worry, a feeling of sadness, anything that reinforces our realization that we cannot make it in this life all
alone.
I often fantacize just how the Eucharist, our central sacrament, evolved. The gospels simply tell us it happened.
They don't give us all the background. After the resurrection, there must have been a tremendous sense of guilt, a
great loneliness, doubt about their future. Will the religious leaders kill them next? Who will lead them now that
Jesus is dead? and many simlar questions.
The only thing they know to do is to gather where they last met with Jesus. As they gather they begin to talk about
what happened, perhaps try to alleviate their guilt, dump it all on Judas or the sanhedrin. Perhaps they even begin
to blame one another. Then someone says: "Remember what he said that when you come together and you eat the
bread and drink the cup I will be present. I wonder how that happens?" As their attention shifted from their own
worries, their own guilt, their own sin to the possible presence of Jesus they began to gradually become more and
more aware of that presence amomg them. It is a presence that is always there. We are not always aware of it or
alert to it.
Several years ago Laurie's mother gave a workshop in our parish. The topic was dealing with our grief. She asked if
anyone had experienced the presence of someone they loved who had died. There was one nervous response.
One person described her experience as if she were not really sure it happened or that it was only her imagination.
The second person was a little less hesitant. Eventually everyone in the room related some experience.
As I sat listening I suddenly realized that the experiences shared by the persons in this room in many ways mirrored
the resurrection experiences of the apostles. Then I recalled an experience I had when my father died. I was only
15 years old at the time. I went out into the back yard and began to cast a fishing rod. Until the experience of the
workshop I had never understood my actions.
We lived in a cold climate and had very few opportunities to go fishing. Then dad was sick the last two years of his
life. So we did not have a lot of opportunities to go fishing. The few times we did go were one of the major
experiences dad and I shared all alone. Most other things we did as a family or I did with mom or with friends. That
is why I was casting a fishing rod. So, I thought of the apostles out fishing. They remembered how Jesus had called
them from their work as fishermen. They recalled the great catch of fish, they recalled his calming of the storm, his
walking on the waters. Suddenly, he was present once more.
The sacred signs, sacred presences, the sacraments are always there. We need to be attentive to them. Whether
those sacraments be the sacraments of the early apostles or the sacrament of Steve and Laurie which we celebrate
today.
The sacrament of marriage is not made during the months and years of courtship. It is not made on your wedding
day. It is not made when your first child is born. The sacrament evolves and grows out of the difficulties, crises,
mistrust, misunderstandings, honest admission of wrong and the willingness to forgive. In the appearance of the
risen Jesus to the apostles, Jesus told them "the sins you forgive are forgiven. The sins you do not forgive are not
forgiven." The sins most in need of forgiveness were their own.
The greatest barrier to fulfillment of the sacrament you pledge today are those expectations of yourself that can
never be fulfilled and in your frustration your transfer that failure to your partner. In the processing of grieving for,
making excuses for, assessing guilt for these unfilled expectations of yourself you miss so much good in yourself
and in each other.
Let me say that again. Steve, every time you have an unrealistic expectation of yourself and became frustrated.
There is a danger of passing that frustration on to Laurie. In the processing of grieving for, making excuses for,
assessing guilt for these unfilled expectations of yourself you miss so much good in yourself and in Laurie.
Laurie, every time you have an unrealistic expectation of yourself and became frustrated, there is a danger of
passing that frustration on to Steve. In the processing of grieving for, making excuses for, assessing guilt for these
unfilled expectations of yourself you miss so much good in yourself and in Steve.
At the beginning of his ministry Jesus gave us a set of ideals which can help us avoid the temptation of allowing
those unrealistic expectations of ourselves to rule our lives. The ideals of Jesus will help us overcome barriers to
the fulfillment of this sacrament. Many of these ideals involve personality qualities and traits we really do not want
to have.
Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor; the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!
None of us want to be poor in any way. We don't always think about being spiritually poor. Jesus did not say blessed
are those who are spiritually poor. He said blessed are those who KNOW they are spiritually poor. If we are willing
to admit that spiritual poverty, we can seek help.
Happy are those who mourn; God will comfort them!
No one wants to be placed in a position of mourning. Grief is something we want to avoid at all costs. There is one
way to avoid grief. We can not care about anyone else, never reach out to anyone. But that is a far greater prison
than grief.
Happy are the meek; they will receive what God has promised!
We do not want to be meek. Stand up straight. Be proud of yourself. How many times have we heard that?
Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires; God will satisfy them fully!
All of us have a desire to do what God requires as long as we do not have to give up any of our own will. It is not
always easy to know what God requires.
Happy are those who are merciful to others; God will be merciful to them!
Mercy is often seen as a weakness. We give in too easily. We forgive too easily.
Happy are the pure in heart; they will see God!
We often associate "pure in heart" with being naive, simplistic, unrealistic.
Happy are those who work for peace among men; God will call them his sons!
This is perhaps the most appealing of the beatitudes. We would like peace. We are even willing to work for it as
long as we do not have to give up too much.
Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires; the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!
This is very difficult. Who wants to be persecuted?
Perhaps the best way to understand the power and the importance of the beatitudes is to look at their opposites.
Unhappy are those who think they are spiritually rich, they never need to reach out to others, never need support,
forgiveness and so they never find the Kingdom of heaven.
Unhappy are those who never mourn. This means they have never reached out to anyone, never cared, never
loved. They have no reason to seek God's comfort.
Unhappy are the proud; God has nothing to offer them.
Unhappy are those whose last desire is to do what God requires; God can never satisfy them at all.
Unhappy are those who are unwilling to be merciful to others; they will always carry the guilt of their actions and
God's mercy can never touch them.
Unhappy are those whose hearts are cluttered with all sorts of distractions; they will miss the presence of God all
about them.
Unhappy are those unwilling to work for peace among men; They will miss God's peace.
Unhappy are those who never endure some form of persecution because they do what God requires; they have
most likely failed to do what God asks and so miss the Kingdom of heaven that rightfully could belong to them.
I would like to address my final remarks to everyone present. Several years ago I performed the wedding for my
nephew Kevin. At the rehearsal supper his bride, Karen, leaned over to me and said: "Uncle Bill, please do not say
that part about if there is anyone here who knows any reason this couple should not be married let him speak up
now." That was the only wedding that someone had made that request. I was curious and asked Karen: "Why?"
"If you do" she said "I just know my mother will stand and object." I could see the horror on Karen's face when I
started "If there is anyone here who knows any reason why this couple should not be married"
I told that group of people the same thing I tell you today: "If anyone knows any reason this couple should not be
married, keep it to yourself." They are going to have a difficult enough time making it as a couple and raising a
family. They do not need us to further complicate their lives and relationship. What they need most is our support
and our prayers.
So let us pray ...
If you would like to contact me, just press
bill crumley
REFLECTIONS ON A FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY
Recently someone asked if he would break his marriage vow if he allowed his wife to seek a divorce. I asked him:
"What did you vow when you marrried?" He began to talk about all types of things that the LAW dictates are part of
marriage. I asked again: "What did you vow?"
He realized we were talking on two different levels so he finally said: "I don't know, you tell me." So we looked at
the vow he made:
"I take you for my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you
and honor you all the days of my life."
That is vow you made. You made no promise to live with her, no promise to have sexual relations, no promise to
have children. You promised to be true to her no matter what happens in your life. You promised to love her and
honor her all the days of your life.
What does it mean to be true to someone. Does it mean you never hurt the person? Does it mean you never slip
and get emotionally entangled with someone else? No. It means you are true to each other. You don't attempt to
change each other.
That is the most common cause of marriage failure. One or both partners wants to change the other. Being true to
someone means first of all allowing the person to be true to himself or herself. Being true means you are willing to
forgive. Jesus was true to his chosen twelve. Even though they sinned in so many ways, Jesus always took them
back.
One of the best examples of Jesus being true is the story of the woman at the well. Jesus knew who she was. He
did not chastise her or attempt to change her. Jesus accepted her and asked her for a drink of water. Jesus
allowed this woman to minister to him and to his needs. Every law said he should shun her. Jesus was true to her
and who she was. Jesus loved her and honored her.
We can ask civil and church officials to decide property rights and other settlements in a divorce. They may
determine custody of children. But we did not vow any of those matters in a marriage vow.
Neither the state nor the church has a right, however, to simply say you are free of your vow. I know married
couples who live together, raise children, and do all the things the LAW says they should do. But they do not keep
their vow. They do not respect and honor one another. They do not love one another. Usually they are not true
either to themselves or to one another. Yet the LAW declares them married. I also know others who are divorced
yet still love and honor one another and remain true to one another. Which has kept their vow?
Reflections on a wedding of July 28, 2001
In the second reading we heard Paul beautiful admonition on Love taken from 1 Corinthians 13. Paul presents us
with an ideal, an ideal it is impossible for us to live up to.
If I am eloquent and speak with an eloquence than is above human but lack love then I no more than a lot of noise.
If I have all the gifts of the Spirit, have a faith that will move mountains, if I am able to phanthom and comprehend all
the mysteries but lack love, I am nothing.
Even if I appear to have love and do all the things demanded by love: feed the poor, give away everything I have,
even turn over my own body but lack love, I gain nothing.
By now we are getting the imnpression that Paul is talking about something more than what we mean by love. Paul
then begins to enumerate the characteristics of love.
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